More Breasts Than A Bucket of Chicken

So we went to a breastfeeding class the other night, and it in no way met my expectations.  And considering I didn't have many expectations, that is pretty bad.  I didn't really want to go to the class in the first place.  I was tired from work, so I just wanted to stay at home and nap.  Plus I didn't have a clue what a person could say about breastfeeding that could take up two hours.  Well let me tell you!  I felt like at the end of the whole spiel I was going to walk out with a timeshare in Fort Lauderdale.

YOU MUST BREASTFEED AND ONLY BREASTFEED

OR YOUR BABY WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the feeling I got from the "instructor" of the class.  This woman yammered on for 2.25 hours about the same few thoughts, and I felt like she was overselling the whole idea of breastfeeding.  I mean we obviously went to the class to learn more about breastfeeding, so it's not like she had to really convince us.

It was also super awkward every time she mentioned how important the dad's role is to the process.  Especially since there was another lesbian couple sitting right next to us holding hands, in the front row.  The slides behind her were more PC with the word "partner" but she kept saying dad.  It's not a huge deal, especially since the norm with couples having babies is to have a mom and a dad, but it just felt dumb considering she was five feet away from a bunch of obviously gay women. Noooooo, we didn't all have on our flannel shirts and Birkenstocks.  But we were holding hands with our respective partners.

Anywho, I saw way more breasts than I ever wanted to that night.  And I can't believe I just said that.

I'm Trying Not To Panic....

....but it's not working.  Today we are at 36 weeks, which to me means nothing.  But according to the baby website the baby will be full-term at the end of this week.  I call FALSE ADVERTISING!  If you are going to give a baby's due date, then give the full-term date, none of this over-cooking date.  How ridiculous is that??  A due date is when the baby is due, not a "let's shoot for this day" kind of date.  So basically I'm told that it could be any day now.  ANY DAY NOW.  I, on the other hand, have replied that the baby will not come until noon on the due date.  So August 27 at 12pm is when baby will be born.  My last day of work is the 23rd, so I have given permission to the baby to come any day after that, but not sooner.  I did not hear any back-talk in reply, so I'm gonna assume that the baby is in agreement.

So there are some things to note this week.  The baby is around 6lbs (according to the website) and weighs as much as a "Crenshaw melon".  Seriously, I don't know who chooses these comparison foods.  In case you were curious (and I know you are) some other things that weigh 6lbs are a gallon of milk, and a human's skin.  Did you just picture it sitting in a pile like discarded clothing?  You did now.  You're welcome for the mental picture.

The baby is getting rid of its "downy covering of hair" and the waxy film that is is covered in.  And guess what!  It's swallowing all of it, and that's what its first bowel movement will consist of.  They actually mentioned that.  So gross. So, so gross.  I really didn't need to know that.  That would be like eating any skin that peels off from a sunburn, and licking off any sweat.  Once again, you're welcome.