Dr. Cellophane Skin?

Does everybody know what day it is???  Food comparison day!!!  The little peanut is the size of a bell pepper today (about 5 1/2 inches long).  Seriously, these foods are so random sometimes.  I honestly thought a turnip was bigger than a bell pepper.  Guess not.

Some highlights this week are that the baby is moving its arms and legs around.  The wife can't feel anything yet, but its still soon.  Check out this video for an idea of what the little one is up to in the wife's belly.

Video of Weeks 15-20! In 3-D!!!

Oh and one other thing...blood vessels are visible through the skin.  Miracle of life?  Maybe?  Somewhat creepy?  A little bit?  Sort of superhero-ish?  I think so!!!  What a crazy feature!  See-through skin.  I'm not sure what advantage this could be used for.  Maybe it's more supervillian-ish.  Yeah, it would be raised by me, so it would probably be more of a supervillian.  But it would have awesome looking skin!

The Following Is a List of Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman

• Fat/Chubby/Plump/Chunky/Muffin-top
• Seriously you're going to be huge then.
• You can still do it, you're not that big yet.
• Is this one of those situations where you actually want me to be honest?
• Of course I would never lie to you.
• Are you honestly going to ask for that many pickled items in your Virgin Caesar
• Oh that's gross, how can you eat that?
• Omg what did you eat?
• The cat's name isn't Madge...why are you calling her Madge?...do you honestly believe that is her name?

Secret. Strong Enough For A Man, But May Be Necessary For A Baby

So it's that time of the week again.  Baby development update time!  It seems to be going by insanely fast for me.  I feel like just yesterday I was posting about the avocado inside my wife's belly.  Now it's the size of a turnip.  Some big things are happening for the little peanut now.  Its skeleton is now changing from cartilage to bone (maybe adamantium??) and it can move its joints now.  But you know me.  I had to have found something weird about the baby's growth.  Fear not my loyal readers!  I have found it.  The little parasite's sweat glands are starting to develop.  Sweat glands!  Come on already!  This baby has fingerprints and now sweat glands.  So unnecessary.  I just don't understand it.  The complex things should be concentrated on first and then focus on the neat little perks that us humans come with.  It's like buying a car.  You don't focus on the little things like a five CD changer or power locks at first.  You focus on how many miles are on the car or the body.  Start with the basics and then get fancy!

Now, without further ado:

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

It's Alive!!!

Well the little peanut has a heartbeat.  Here is the recording.  Those other sounds are the peanut kicking in reaction to the Doppler.

Enjoy!

Chuckling Zombie

So the parasite has been cooking for 16 weeks and the wife is still not getting a good night's rest.  I was awake until 4am the other night and she was asleep that entire time from at least 11pm.  So she was asleep for a good length of time with minimal wake ups.  But here's the kicker: she's talking in her sleep.  We have been together for 8 & 1/2 years and in that time she has frequently talked in her sleep.  Well to be totally honest it was a deafening snoring until a few years ago.  The thing was though, that she didn't talk a lot.  It was more of a once a month type deal.  Now it's at least once a week or more.

The other night I was watching a little Family Guy before bed, a hilarious episode I might add, and I thought the wife was dead asleep until she started giggling.  Then silence.  Then a little while later she loudly exclaims "there is hair all over the blanket!"  I began talking to her, like I normally do, and she went on to explain that there was cat hair on the blanket she is crocheting.  It's then about that time that she wakes up and realizes I am humoring her.  Then she gets upset and tries to explain herself more.  The explanation: the cats are probably sitting on the blanket, she just knows it.  Good thing she falls asleep soon after or who knows what would happen.

So my theory is that she is falling asleep but just not reaching that deep, REM sleep...or whatever state she needs to be in to get some rest.  I think she's at the edge of sleep and that's why thoughts are creeping into her subconscious and she is talking.  I will be investigating this further, so fear not!  Answers are on their way!

Nightmare on Elm Street X

Ok I may have been a little hard on my wife yesterday.  She was aware of the topic I was typing if it helps your opinion of me.  I do love her dearly and appreciate her for all her baby-growing goodness.  I just also feel that if it's something that a lot of women go through, then why should it be hidden?

So today we are at 16 weeks!  Wee hooooo!  The peanut is now the size of an avocado.  Honestly they could tell me the baby is the size of a walnut next week and I would believe them.  I didn't think an avocado was that much bigger than an apple.  But apparently I am wrong.  That happened to me once before too.  It kinda tickles.  Anywho, the little parasite is growing quite nicely.  Hearts pumping some blood now, eyes are moving from fish position to normal predator position, and it's growing TOENAILS!!!  Insanity!  I understand the toenails serve a purpose in our lives, but I fail to see the necessity of them in the womb.  I mean seriously?  Toenails?  What if one grows rogue and pops the balloon?  Or worse yet, clips things on the way out?  Oh this is horrible.  Why do I look these things up?  The thought of a baby born with teeth creeped me out, but not like this.  *shudder* Great.  Now I have to share the picture that's in my head.

I'm Alive!

I don't know what prevented me from posting, but it sure wasn't my wife killing me.  Although we have had a talk about what I can and can not post.  Also, what I can and can not say to her.  For example: do not talk to a pregnant woman about her hormones...or her green death gas.  THERE! I SAID IT! Man alive that has been haunting me since the beginning.  I'm sorry, but it had to be said.  This is an epidemic that partners to preggos have been afraid to talk about, but it mustn't be kept hidden any longer!

I know what you're thinking...I'm a mind reader remember....but I too believe in karma and I don't think it applies to this situation.  You see I am not saying this out of malice.  I am saying it to inform the masses and to break the shame that preggos feel when they are faced with this situation.  I'm doing this for all the pregnant women out there who are hiding.  But mostly I'm doing this for all the partners out there who are holding their breath.  I had to say it!  I love my wife dearly, but there are times when this issue combined with the fan blowing the hot flashes my way are just too much.

Other than that it was a lovely week.

If There's No Post Thursday...Assume The Worst

Baby size dayyyyyyy!!!!!!

Today the parasite is the size of an apple!  I know what you're thinking...cuz I'm a mind reader...apples come in different sizes!  See, same thoughts.  Well the site goes further to tell me that it is 4 inches long, and weighs 2 1/2 ounces.  Honestly, I like to think that I don't use the metric system since I measure myself in feet, inches, and pounds, but I have no clue what the small sizes really are.  So I'm going with maybe a golden delicious.

In other news, our ultrasound appointment was pushed back to later in April.  I was a bit disappointed in the change, but I'm a little happier now that I realized that we have more time to decide if we want to know the peanuts sex.  I still can't decide.  Not sure if the wife has decided, but honestly my decision doesn't matter in the long run.  We could never do it where she knows and I don't. You've heard me complain about her awesome secret-keeping abilities.  Yeah not likely to happen.  The best I can do is to put up a good fight.  Although that's not the easiest thing to do with a pregnant woman.  Those hormones....O...M...G!  That's all I'm going to say.  Well actually that's all I should say since the wife reads this blog.  Love you honey!

Yakkity Yak Don't Talk Back

The baby site that I go to suggests that we talk to the little parasite this week.  It talks about how this can help with the bonding period and that it is great practice for after the baby is born.  At the sound of this my mind instantly goes to the episode of Friends where Ross starts to talk to his unborn child through his ex-wife's stomach.  Awkward sums that up nicely.  And that would totally be me.  I have a new found love for this episode now.  This episode was in my top ten Friends episodes to begin with.  There are so many great scenes in this episode but my favorite was always:
Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: (Deadpan) Well, you know you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it

My new favorite quote is now:Ross: (Talking to Carol's stomach) And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.

Really, I don't know what I would talk about.  Do I talk about my day?  Do I discuss my interests?  Does the little peanut even care?  Today I would talk about how my friend thinks this blog is awesome because it always puts her to sleep.  And I would tell the baby that the blog isn't boring, and that it is damn funny.  I will also tell the baby that I am a world famous writer and my friend is just jealous.  Hey!  It's my conversation with my baby, I can tell it what I want to!  (It won't know any different)

I Just Might Get Morning Sickness

I know I have already touched on the topic of food cravings, but I would like to take a post to re-visit that topic a little more.  I feel that as my wife's pregnancy progresses there are some issues that I have talked about before which will re-surface or even amplify.  In this case I believe it is amplifying.

And when the wife drags me into it, then it's definitely amplifying.  The other day I ate a strawberry dipped in peanut butter.  I know what you're thinking...it should taste like strawberry jam and peanut butter.  No, no it does not.  It tasted like gross.  I asked the wife at what point did her mind go from being rational and thinking that something would taste gross, to thinking hey those foods would taste fantastic together??  I just don't get it.  Her current sandwich addiction looks gross to me.  It consists of two pieces of toast, mayo, mustard, real cheddar cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, and lettuce.  It is a sopping mess like those Carls Jr's commercials.  Only the Carls Jr's burgers look really good.  Mmmmmm.  Whoops, sorry.  Got a little carried away there.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, I was dreading the food messes that we are headed for.  I never thought the wife would become a stereotypical pregnant woman but I was apparently wrong.  I'm dreading what other foods she can possibly add peanut butter to.  I'm sure she isn't finished with these concoctions.

Carls The Third?  No.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Wait 6 Months

Baby size update time!  And you guessed it, the baby is the size of a lemon.  Amazing.  Just amazing.  To go from a medium shrimp to a lemon is just unbelievable.  I can't wait to see what size it's going to be next week.  But I won't peek!  We will discover it (somewhat) together.

In other news, the peanut is making faces in my wife's belly.  Grimacing, frowning and squinting.  I don't know what all the fuss is about but apparently something is preventing it from smiling.  Maybe I need to work on my jokes.  There is no greater insult than a child not finding their parent funny.  So this child better learn to smile and giggle pretty quick, for my self-esteem's sake.  They say it takes more face muscles to frown than it does to smile, but I'm not so sure about that.  I know "they" are experts, but if that's true then why isn't my baby smiling already.  Is it because its head is still too big for its body?  Is it because it is now producing urine which it "releases into the amniotic fluid around him - a process he'll keep up until birth"?  Or is it because it now has downy hair all over its body called "lanugo"?  Picture a large headed monkey floating in its own pee. I don't know about you but any one of these things would make me frown.  Just saying.