Don't Hug A Leopard

It appears that I have been replaced.  I knew this day was coming.  I was warned about it years ago.  I just didn't think that it would happen so early on in the pregnancy.  My wife bought a body pillow.  It's not just any body pillow either.  It's a leopard print, velvety-soft body pillow.  I can't compete with that!  Nobody can!  I am a human being, with warm human being skin.  And for a woman who is prone to hot flashes, like my wife is, my warm skin is torture.  I can't help it though.  I was born this way and I'm quite attached to my warm skin.

So now I am left on my own, and my wife has a soft body pillow to cuddle.  I'm actually thinking of buying a plain white body-pillow-size pillow case and using an iron-on transfer to put my face on the pillow case.  That way I don't have to feel jealous at all because the wife will be hugging a surrogate me.  Ok, I admit it, there will be a little jealousy still.  But not nearly as much as there would be with her hugging a leopard body pillow.  Odd hey?  Oh well.  Here's what the wife's body pillow is going to look like.  And by all means, use my idea. Just don't tell my wife that you're hugging me every night.